Sunday, January 2, 2011

Unshadowed Land: II.The Visitor

They told me I would find myself out here. That it didn't make sense, but I would find out who I am. I didn't want to know who I am. But I went out anyway, out here in the wilderness.

I lost myself out here. I left everything I am down at the bottom of the mountains. My thoughts - to be like Christ, I can't be myself anymore. We should be ourselves only inasmuch as we approach the same God from our own beginnings. So I left behind all that made me me.

And I found what I want to be. I found God in the predictable places, I'm glad to say. He said he would be with me anywhere if I remained in him, and everywhere is where I looked. And it's where he was.

But I can only stay here so long. It's bright here. I can't keep my eyes open. There's too much to see. Too much light. The sun is closer here. Somehow it's never dark. It all seems the same. There aren't darker things--there aren't brighter things. Everything is simply pure. Everything in brought together in the shining-everything reflecting off of everything else-all reflecting the same light of the sun as if it were in everything.  And all there is is shining stone.  

But I can't live here. Not normally. I'd give anything to be able to. But I can't for much longer. My clothes look dark. My skin looks dark. My hands are black like night compared to this ever-flowing day.  My hands smudge everything.  There's something I'm covered in.

I'm not ready for this land yet. I don't know what it would look like for something like me to stay here, but surely I'm not meant to. Not now. I'm not ready. I'm too dark. I can't reflect like everything else. It's too much.

Tomorrow is December 8th.  I shall cross over the highest of the mountains tomorrow morning. I shall enter the great ring of peaks. Even if the lore is true, few have ever been here, and none still know what is inside. But I shall know. If I die to see. I can't imagine it being more beautiful than this land itself.

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